November 1, 2013
I took a sip from the devil's cup
"The heart is an interesting thing. It sees a boy and it does not care that the boy can not be yours, it does not care that what it feels is not healthy. The heart doesn't care what your brain and your senses tell you. The heart takes control and there's nothing you can do. You know that the heart drags you into places where you don't want to end up but you can't control it, you still follow it. <...> The boy takes your hand, strokes your face, looks deep in your eyes and the heart goes crazy. You become happy for a few magical moments. You forget that there's a world outside his arms. And then the boy lets go and goes back to reality and you stay in the dream. But without him the dream beacomes a nightmare. He leaves and you understand that you both will never be. As much as the heart would love it, as much as you, yourself would love it, the mind still knows it's not right. This is the moment when the pain kicks in. It feels like the boy took your heart with him when he left and there's nothing but needles where once lied your heart. <...> Even when the pain is over, you just lie there heartless, bloodless, loveless. You think of the moment when you first saw the boy, that was the moment when you felt your heart bump the first time - the moment you realized that you had a heart - and you miss the feeling of your beating heart inside of you. But even when the heart is in the boys arms, far away from your body, it still takes on more control than the mind."