July 1, 2015

Hello July

It's funny how fast everything can change. One moment I'm sitting and not believing how happy I am, waking up from my dreams and realizing that the awaken life is better than anything I could dream of and starting every day with a huge smile on my face. And suddenly another moment comes and I'm back to where I started, only with a huge hole inside because for a little while I experienced how good it could be. I am not depressed again, I'm not back to the place I was a few months ago. From that horrible time I understood that doesn't matter how cheesy it sounds, happiness is a choice and despite everything I still choose to be happy. However, now I understood that there are very different levels of how happy I can be.

Last night at midnight I was standing in the bus station, hugging a group of people I don't even know and waving to a bus while crying our eyes out. It was the first friend of my many new friends leaving. Even though I knew her for a couple of months and we started our relationship as frienemies, very quickly we grew very close together and the time to let her go came too fast. The city where I happily lived my whole life without ever thinking that it's missing anything suddenly feels too empty, too quite, too sleepy.

The bus left the station and so did we. We got into a car and a boy suggested that we should have a night ride around the city. We all did not know each other but everyone agreed. For an hour we were sitting not talking, the radio was playing and we just rode around. Everybody was enjoying the moment in nostalgic silence, thinking about the adventures we had with the girl and from time to time someone would silently wipe a tear of their cheek. Someone got hungry and we rode to a supermarket, some guy bought us all icecream. For a second the moment was perfect: it was 2 a.m. we were standing in a parking lot in the middle of the city, the summer night was warm and everybody was just eating icecream, telling old stories and laughing. But the moment passed and the thought that we will never see each other again like this came back. A boy in the car said that this is why it is worth living - nights like these. I couldn't agree more, but it doesn't make it any less sad.

- Kamile.

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