Bye bye, summer!

Even though I'm not the biggest fan of autumn (all that cold and rainy weather doesn't suit me so well) I still welcome it with my arms wide open. It's a new start, a new school year (or university in my case) and there's nothing but possibilities waiting ahead. And even when the weather is dreadful as hell, I can still find happyness in all the pumpkin meals (those are my favorite!), large cups of tea and cosiness of staying in.
So hello, autumn, I greet you in my life with nothing but pure curiosity in my mind.

Kamilė

Beauty of a moment

I wrote this at 6 'o'clock in the morning when all of it was just over.

I just got back from a party. A big, nice and a bit wild birthday party. It was nice being there but I refused to drink any alcohol while the others were drunk. It felt like there was an invisible wall between me and everybody else. I danced, singed and laughed just as much as everyone did but I just couldn't feel those moments, they were not sincere. The party took place in a summerhouse that's about a half hour ride from the city. That ment I couldn't leave whenever I wanted. That is why when a boy told me that he's driving his car to the city at 5 in the morning I felt very at ease. This was the first time I've met him. He didn't drink alcohol either and it was nice to suddenly have someone to socialize with. Someone who was at my side of the wall. But still we did not talk too much. When 5 came and we got in the car, I felt relieved that I can finally leave. And at that moment something between us changed. It felt good being with him in that car. He remembered when I told him that I like the xx a lot. Without words he inserted a CD to the  record-player and then the sounds of the xx music started. We talked non-stop while driving home. There was none of the uncomfortable silence and somehow both of us talked about very personal stuff without worries or regrets. We were nobodies to one another and that's why we could be only ourselves. I took a glance at the speedometer - he was driving 20 mph slower than the speed limit allowed. But it made me happy, I wanted the ride to take as much time as it could be. I did not want it to end so fast, I forgot that I wanted to get home quickly.
              Not far from the ciy he took a turn that led not straight to my home. It was a big detour but the view there was beautiful. He told me that he wanted to share this place with me right now cause it's he's favourite place to drive by. That was the most magical moment of all. The XX was playing, passing through the window I could see only the magnificent forests and my companion was more than I could ask for. I took a deep deep breath and just enjoyed those moments. 
              It took us an hour to get home when it should have been a 30 minute ride. As we entered the city the dawn was filling the streets and the magic slowly faded away. Nevertheless, I still felt goosebumps on my skin, though the heater was on at full-power. When he drove to my house, I hugged him and said goodbye. I knew that this goodbye might mean forever but it felt like this was the right thing. 
              I can tell more details from that short little hour of my life than about any other day or week. Everything felt deeper, stronger and more real than any other thing that I lately experienced. 

How to prepare: Avocado salad with shrimp

 This salad is so so awesome! I love it so much that I can never get enough of it. And best part is that it's really healthy for you. Lately I found a new hobby - counting calories in every food I eat. So with no exception I've counted them here. Here's the recipe!

• 1 full avocado (322kcal)
• 1 red tomato (22kcal)
• 1 small cucumber (9kcal)
• about 40g (or 1,41 ounces) of canned shrimp (~128kcal)
• a tablespoon of light mayonnaise (50kcal)

So that makes a total of 531 kcal. In my opinion that's the number of calories a normal meal should have. And the best part is that this serves for two. That means that one person gets only 265 kcal. Or in my case I get all 531, cause I love it so much that I eat the whole thing by myself.
Here's what you'll need to do:

• Cut the avocado in half and take out the nucleus. Make sure that your avocado is ripe (brownish color).
• Spoon out all the meat from the avocado and slice it to medium-sized pieces.
• Boil some water and put your tomato in it and keep it there for about three minutes.
• Take the tomato out put it in some cold water.
• In the meantime chop the cucumber in small pieces.
• Take the tomato out, peel of it's skin and finally chop it in medium pieces.
• Mix everything, including the shrimp, and then add the mayo and mix it again.

ENJOY!

Nights

What could ever be better? The air is so fresh and chilly that it sends shivers down my spine. Finally, after the long day I can inhale some air to my lungs and feel the ease coming. Everyhing is so much more beutiful at night. I can only jog and enjoy it at nights. There are no people, no stares or unapproving looks. I can relax at just forget the world. Every little detail around me looks magical and mysterious. And the adrenaline rush that flows through my body every time I hear something or see something move. It feels like I will never have to stop, like I could run forever into the night and never come back. There are nothing else just freedom and open space. And don't get me started about the stars and the moon. I've never seen a view that is more magical than the night sky. Everything feels different at night. Better.

Lead me back home from this place

I just got back from the last festival this summer and this year. I'm all filled with joy from all the fun and love we enjoyed there but also I'm so sad it's over. Usually when I write down most of my thoughts they sound extremely melancholic while most of them should not turn out that way. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I find joy in my sadness. I think it's better to feel sad than not to feel anything at all. But this time neither my sadness is unintended, neither do I find joy in it. I'm filled with nostalgia for the days which were not years but only a few hours back. I long for the peace, love and music that was in the air all the time. While I sit on my bed and write this, I wish I would be sitting with my best friends on the seaside sand, laughing so hard that my belly starts to hurt from our jokes about Italian accents while the stars shine so brightly above our heads. These festivals are more home to me than the place I really live at. I know that if joy would be endless then it would not be so joyful at all. But I can't help myself not to feel miserable. I can't stop myself from already missing those beautiful moments. And thinking that the next festival will be only next year, after a cold and endless winter, does not help at all.  Oh, summer, why did you have to pass so quickly? Why did you slip from my fingers before they realized to grab and hold you tight?

My sadness also has a soundtrack:

Come and take me away

 After I had these few busy weeks I was totally ready for resting a bit. Reading some books (ooh, how I love to read, but barely find time for it), watching some movies and shows on my laptop and finally getting enough sleep. But after I read about 500 pages from a great book, watched 2 movies and a bunch of episodes of my newly liked show and three days of sleeping later I feel bored. All of my bestfriends left the city. Even my dad, who was supposed to spend time with me, left for camping with his girlfriend. I am totally ALONE.
 Sometimes I like these breaks. 90% of the time I am a people's person and I truly adore spending time with friends. But even I need some quality time to get my thoughts in order and think about something deeper than fashion, food and good weather. Actually I really do like being only with my self. Then I can create some magical memories. I remember one time when I was alone at my grandparent's summerhouse I took my bike and rode through the forests. It was three years back. But I still remember the smell of the lake nearby and of the moss that grew everywhere, the way the light broke through the trees and  the rich green colours that surrounded me. You can't get these memories when you're with friends. Details can get recognized only when you're alone. Only when you pay attention. When I got back from that ride I felt revived and peaceful. That is the reason why some alone time is so magical and beautiful.
But enough is enough. I miss my friends, I miss laughing and singing and dancing with them. Maybe the magical memories are really made alone, but the best memories are made with friends. I doubt that I would really like my summer as much if not for my people. They help making me who I truly am. They make me feel alive.   

A song that I've been listening to all the time these past few days.

She's a silver lining

Life has been beautiful lately. I had so much to do and so many places to be that I've totally abandoned my blog. But it was the good kind of busy. I've wanted to do all those things and be in all those places. Some time before I've always carried this one bad thought with me wherever I went - "'here isn't where I wanna be". When one day I realized that it's wrong to waste my life this way. I had to change something, do something. And now I only go where I want be, I do only what I enjoy doing or at least enjoy the result that my work brings. I've been living my days as I have always wanted to. My beloved ones and I visited some beautiful festivals where the sun burned our skin but the music fed our hungry souls. An amazing team of people and I also organized a camp for freshmen with the most beautiful hearts that I've ever seen.We worked day and night, sleeping barely 6 hours in three days. However, the smiles and beautiful words from our young colleagues filled us up with joy and energy and everything could not turned up better.  My body is aching, there isn't a muscle in body that does not hurt right now but my soul is so ecstatic. I've never loved people more than I do right now. But I will stop writing right now because my body screams for sleep. But when I wake up, world, hold on.