Older again

There was one missing birthday candle, so we needed to find a replacement:)

Today I turn 19! When I was little, I always thought that because I'm born on december 31 - new years eve - that makes me somekind of special. Now, when I'm all big and grown up, I don't stop believing that I'm special, but maybe not just because of my birthday date:) So happy birthday to me!

Just stop and breathe

 

Negaliu patikėti! Kalėdų atostogos pagaliau atėjo! Pagaliau galiu pailsėti nuo visų mokslų, ištiesti kojas ir tiesiog ilsėėėėtis. Pastaruoju metu buvau tokia užsiėmus, kad kartais būdavo net sunku kvėpuoti. Darbai spaudė prie žemės ir negalėjau net pažvelgti į aplinką, į šią nuostabią žiemą. Atrodė,kad niekaip nesusidorosiu su viskuo, rūpeščiai niekada nebepasibaigs.. Tačiau pagaliau atėjo tai, ko taip ilgai laukiau - atostogos! O pirmoji jų dieną tikrai buvo tobula. Aš ir viena mano pačių artimiausių draugių ėjome į teatrą ir , nors spektaklis tikrai nebuvo labai įdomus, buvo be galo linksma. Vėliau apsikeitėme savo kalėdinėmis dovanomis ( dar kartą ačiū, Migle!) ir nuvažiavome į miestą, į savo mėgstamiausią kavinę ir ten tiesiog sėdėjome ir kalbėjomės - be jokių rūpesčių ar nerimo. Ir kaip gera yra turėti tokių draugų, su kuriais gali tiesiog būti savimi - jokių kaukių, jokių netikrų emocijų - tiktai tikras mano veidas, tikras mūsų juokas ir nuoširdūs pokalbiai su nuoširdžia drauge.
O, kai visa sušalusi grįžau namo ( nes šiandien buvo neįtikėtinai šaltaaaa), su mama atsisėdome žvakių šviesoje, atsidarėm seną raudono vyno butelį ir valgėm mano pačius mėgstamiausius saldainius. Atrodo taip seniai paskutinį kartą su mama iš viso kažką darėme. Aš visą laiką būnu arba per daug suirzusi, arba per daug užsiėmusi, kad galėtumėm jaukiai pasisėdėti, o aš to taip smarkiai buvau pasiilgus, nes net neatsimenu paskutinio tokio karto. Bet gi Kalėdos tam ir skirtos - mylimiems žmonėms, todėl manau, kad ši diena buvo atlygis už visą laiką, kai negalėjau atsipalaiduot. Jau seniai nesijaučiau tokia laiminga.

Backup plan

I always wondered what if my life doesn't work out the way it should, what happens if everything falls apart and I loose everything? So I created my life backup plan a long time ago. One day wandering though various blogs I found a post about different life plans and I was very surprised that one of them was almost as the one I always had for myself. So from the plan that I found and my original plan I made a mix, that sounds like the perfect free life too me:

Just a week...

 

There's only a week left  'till Christmas! Time flies so fast, it's hard to notice everything that's happening, when it feels like it lasts just a moment. And even though it's the last week before holidays, there's so much work to do, that I'm not allowed to feel Christmas spirit just yet. But for a few minutes everyday I just like to relax, forget all that worries me and dive into my dreams. I just listen to this song, it's so beautiful, calming and let's me feel that wonderful Christmas spirit for those few spare minutes that I have.

When I need inspiration

Lately I've been so busy.. I stopped doing everything - blogging, reading books, watching movies, hanging out with friends or even sleeping. It's just damn hard to learn so many things at once. And I though that high school was hard.. So now, when I reached this line when I study so much, that I barely see anything else, I understood that I need a little bit of internet inspiration to go on and not loose my head.

Christmas lights are finally here

Some time ago I created a rule for myself - I am not allowed to feel Christmas spirit when it's still autumn. And finally this cold and grey last month of autumn, that kept me so uninspired, is over! It's winter! Though I love summer so so much, my favorite month of the year is still December - with no doubt it's the most beautiful time of the year. Last year it was really grey and unpleasant, because there was no snow at all and it kept raining all the time. But this year it's different from the first few days. There's so much snow outside that I don't even know how I will get to University dry and it keeps on snowing further, nevertheless I love it! I don't care that it's so cold, wet and hard to walk, It's too beautiful to feel unhappy about it. And I can feel that Christmas spirit taking over me and I'm just so happy!

Dreams do come true!

I can't believe it! Lana Del Rey is coming to Lithuania and I'm holding the ticket to the concert in my hands right now!!! I'm sooooo happy! Now I'll wait for the summer to come even more :)

Dance dance dance!

 

On saturday night me and my dance partner went to a very nice lindy hop dance competition "Lindy Hop Classic Couples 2012". We had an amazing time there. Though we did not compete because we didn't have time to get ready ( all my fault, university takes all my time ), we still danced all night long and watched other amazing and interesting performances. It was really great and we promised ourselves - next year we'll also be on that stage!

The live orchestra

The winners

The beginning

Guest jazz performance

See the winner's dance here:

Nostalgia

Recently I had to study so much, that I hadn't had time to do anything. I never though that it would take this much effort to study in an university. Although everyone told me, that it's not going to be easy, not even in my wildest imagination I could imagine that I will ever have to go through what I'm going through now. I don't have time for anything - friends, fun, family - everything's abandoned. In my few minutes that are free I try to do something interesting or useful, but I never have the energy. The days pass with me stuck in the routine. And because I don't have any time to make new memories, I start to remember old ones and feel so nostalgic. So many friends, who I though were with me for a lifetime, are distant and not mine anymore, so many adventures forgot and so many of them never happened. It's sad sometimes when life turns to such a different angle. Half a year ago I would have said that the things that are happening now, would never happen  And the bad thing is that I don't know if everything is for the best, but I surely hope so. The weird thing is that even though I feel sad all the time, I can't help but feel extremely happy for no reason at all at the same time. This sadness makes me enjoy simple things that I wouldn't enjoy normally. It's interesting how a person can feel so many feelings at the same time. It feels like I'm in love, but not with another person, but with myself, my life and the fact that I'm miserable at the same time makes me somehow even more happy. Strange isn't it?

These are some pictures that me and one of my now-lost-friends took. I just felt like  reviewing them today and then remembered how much I liked them. So I'm sharing them here.

The truth

Lately I've been feeling so sick and tired. Tired from studies, tired from all the people and their opinions. I felt so lonely and sad that I couldn't live further that way anymore. But then I understood that you need a brakedown to feel truly alive. I suddenly understood the truth that we always hear, but never listen to. If you don't have anyone to be with or if you don't have anyone who's proud of you, you always have yourself to be the person you need the most. Not what people think defines you, it's what you do, what you think, what you achieve. You don't need anyone else's opinion to be great or beautiful, you only need to know it yourself to truly be that way. And the most important thing is that you never should even try to fit in, to be like others, to do what others do, to follow other people. Be original, be yourself and then others will follow you. Create the life you want to live to be truly happy. Don't try to live anyone else's life.